Gigi here, Alas, no Catholic elementary school tales for you today, just some incidents which may be of interest about nails and nail polish. It is a well known on this site that I devoured a gross of candy lipsticks as a toddler. My parents should have put me in rehab at that time, but they didn’t yet recognize my obsession with cosmetics and color. I used to love watching my mother doing her nails, generally in a classic red. Even the toxic scent was exhilarating. I was probably high from it. At age five, she asked if I wanted to try the polish as well. Did I want to try? I salivated down my shirt! I applied it as accurately as my small hands could as she sat smiling, but it was tough to stay inside those lines—they didn’t have big, wide black markings like my coloring books. Unfortunately, perfection had not been achieved. My mom asked me to let my nails dry while she went to check on dinner. Out of disgust for my mistakes, I licked the polish from each nail and started again, lapping away the errors. The next thing I knew, I was staring at my pediatrician! Then there were childhood times playing the game Monopoly with friends. When a player took too long, I was bored and put the red houses on each nail to resemble polish, as it had been banned from my life. Eventually someone would cry that I wasn’t fun, tell her parents, and the game broke up.
For Christmas when I was twelve, my parents gave me a bottle of Revlon nail enamel in a chic hue, as they were fairly certain that I would use remover this time. To be sure, they included a bottle. This was haute couture for nails! And then my older sister purchased two polishes for me in risqué tones for teens. These events marked my formal rite of passage into womanhood. Then came college. I sat in a poetry class with an amiable guy (Chris) and we would whisper about how the professor’s dentures didn’t fit well. He would mimic him and say, “Your next ashmignment is due on the sheventh of the month.” Then a clicking sound always followed. Chris and I had good times with this. After our last class, he asked me out. I said, “I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend. Thank you anyway.” Chris looked like he was going to cry and spewed back, “You led me on the whole time.” I was upset and asked what led him on. I’ll never forget his remark: “Your nail polish and makeup are always perfect and that makes you a tease!” He put on his coat and was never seen again. Years later, I had a deadly staph infection which was misdiagnosed. By my second visit to the incompetents at the ER, the man playing a doctor looked at my nails and shouted, “Nurse–we need oxygen STAT! The patient is cyanotic and her fever and blood pressure are rising!” I said in a very annoyed tone, “Note the sheen. That is a blue nail basecoat by Avon, not my demise.” And he was my lifeline? Yikes! An idiot nurse said, “Oh, my Avon saleswoman just quit. Do you know where I can find another?” I gave her a look to kill.
You know what this is about from this–nail polish, of course. As in a steal of a lifetime which you absolutely cannot afford to ignore! Nail enamel was always something that you could purchase to lift your spirits without breaking the bank or causing guilt. Now the industry has gone overboard with prices. I refuse to pay $20.00 for a bottle no matter the shade. I recently tried Wet ‘n Wild’s “Wild Shine” polish and I did cartwheels over it (okay, not cartwheels, but I did ride my stationery bike and dance around the house to “No Diggity.”) This indulgence comes in a huge variety of shades. For my demure days, I chose a delicate, hand-me-my-fan Southern Belle pink. For my wild child nights, I plucked a vivid crimson from the shelf. To stay in fashion, I selected a deep, opulent forest green which resembles a fine gem and a captivating sapphire blue.
The enamel spreads flawlessly and leaves a glossy finish. You do not have to feign illness and call in late for work because you can’t use your hands from wet polish–it dries well. Always use a base coat (I love those by Sally Hansen) to protect, prevent discoloration, and strengthen. As a trial, I went three days without a topcoat purposely and there was no chipping. This fares as well or better than its high-end competitors! I followed with a protective coat. If you need your hands to be instantly gorgeous, use Sally’s “Quick Dry Top Coat.” Are you sitting down? It is $.99. As in under a dollar. That’s nearly as good as McDonald’s value menu–it may even surpass a double cheeseburger! No, not that good. It seems as if Wet ‘n Wild is discontinuing their eyeshadow quad I love so much. There are no shadows I haven’t used, from MAC to Dior and YSL, and these are at the very top of my list. You may find them at a $2.00 price as I did. Trust me and stock up now! These are truly frugal yet effective drugstore deals. See me smiling?
Ladies, which is your favorite nail polish brand and why?