The girls are kind enough to let my speak uncensored on “Mondays With Meg”. They gave it up, they actually allow me to speak freely and with-out getting a reprimanding email like “Meg, that may work, um, for you. Please stick to bronzer. You’re scaring our family”.
Listen to me with caution because I have unsavory advice.
Are you 40 or over? Lie! Not about your age. You read this site, I believe you look 33. Go with your age. That part is fine. IF you want to get married you MUST LIE about your relationship status. I call it “The Divorce Factor”. It goes back as far as the sandbox. I want that toy truck. All of a sudden someone else wants the toy truck and it is all out war. Because the darn truck was wanted. So lie. Men never want to hear about your previous relationships. Ever. Can you ever remember a time a guy said “No, it’s ok, tell me about Dan, I want to understand. Let’s see where it went wrong.”
No? Well that’s because it doesn’t happen. Ever.
Unfortunately, if you are not married by 40 you are labelled as “damaged”- easy killer, don’t hate the playah hate the game. The man you are talking to will instantly want to know why you haven’t been married? What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy, obsessed with career, clingy, nutty, etc.
It doesn’t matter if you are none of these things-I’m telling you what he is thinking. If he is still single “He hasn’t met the right one yet”. Life isn’t fair so get over it and think of your new divorced husband.
That will at least get you the second and third date, if by date 6 he wants to (finally) bring up your divorced husband. You can merely reply “Ugh, oh that. Let’s not kill the night by talking about HIM.” After 6 more weeks when he is completely entralled by you, add..“It was so long ago, college really. Like you haven’t been young and foolish and in love at some point? Let me rub your back.” Done and Done and you got a guy you like.
Here’s another tip. Want a hot night out? Single and want to get into the hottest, new hotel bar that is not letting ANYONE in? First things first darling. You need to go to a bar that you can steal a plastic stand-up table menu from. They’re everywhere. They are plexi-glass and on the center of every dive bar telling you the hot wings special. Stick it in your purse. Do what I use to do. Print out “RESERVED” and insert the paper to the new frame.
Pick a pretty common Jewish name (This is Hollywood). I would call the hotel and say…Hi, I’m sorry to bother you but my boss left and I have to fax this over to Weisenberg or something. I can’t quite tell because there is a smudge mark on his name. Do you have a guest named something similar?
Yes, ma’am, we have a guest here name Weisenberger.
Oh thank-you, that’s it!
I would show up with 5 of my girlfriends, drop the name “Weisenberger” to get into the bar. I would then take out my plexi-glass Reserved sign setting it on a table and mingle. Always having a spot to sit at.
Life is a game. Maybe your life is not as complicated, you may even claim it’s completely honest. It’s not. You know it. I know it. We all play little games so the story will turn our way.
How boring would life be if we all followed the rules? How boring would life be if we never stuck out our neck? Stick your neck out, risk looking foolish, in the end it’s not going to matter. All that will matter is you took chances and that you tried.