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DEEP THOUGHTS FROM PRUDENCES PREGNACY! DEEP FOR ME. MAY STILL BE SHALLOW END OF POOL.

DEEP THOUGHTS FROM PRUDENCES PREGNACY! DEEP FOR ME. MAY STILL BE SHALLOW END OF POOL.

pruMeg here! I’m sorry I’ve been a bit absent. Prudence has popped. My wayward, slutty street dog has now garnered more respect and love than I can put into words. You know me, I have never met a sentence I didn’t like. To render me speechless is quite like climbing Everest.

I am in awe of my dog. Yup, totally in awe of her. I don’t think I’ve ever met a better being in my entire life and I’ve met a lot of beings.

Let me paint the picture for you. We’ve had in-depth conversations about the purpose of the birthing den. I dyed my hair a few days ago and kept the plastic gloves that came with the kit.

“You see these gloves Prudence? Well I’ve washed the dye off them and I’m putting them to the side here for your birth. I’m not afraid. I’m all in. I’ll just put on these gloves and we can birth you!”
I was so proud of myself.

Prudence was probably thinking “You useless nit. I don’t want those damn Clairol gloves near my newborns. Thanks for the color-coordinating birthing den. I’m color blind you tool. I can see I’m going this alone. Thanks but really, no thanks.”

I woke up about 6:45am to a weird “meep.” Prudence was not sleeping next to me with her head on the pillow and full body stretch. She is my dog husband. She is my dog husband except we are not married, she is not male and she is, hello? A dog.

“Meep” I jumped into action and did what any normal self-sufficient 34-year-old woman would do. I ran down the hall screaming “Help me!” My 24 year-old roommate got out of bed as I shrieked “I think they’re here!!”

We made our way to the closet where the birthing den was. I have a fabulous baby-pink ruffled curtain that was shielding Prudence for privacy. I hesitantly pulled it back and we peered in on the new mother. She gave me a look I know all too well “Yeah, I did it. Some help you were. You were “sleeping” did you really need that fourth pinot noir?”

I swear to God Prudence called in a cleaning crew while I slept. I have had messier periods. There was no tell-tale sign she just had birthed. I think she called her “cleaner” mob friend from her Compton street days and had him come in. “Hey, Bruno. Pru here (back then her name was probably Star) I have a situation. I have it real nice here and I can’t upset my useless mother, so bring a mop and a bottle of Belvedere and we’re all good.”

Once the curtain was drawn back I was in a Disney movie. Prudence was just feeding her babies and licking them and acting like this was totally normal. She loves them. I mean she loves them more then anything I’ve ever seen. She is licking and kissing them and wont leave their side. Today was the first day I could get her to leave them for 5 minutes so she could go outside and go to the bathroom. As soon as she was done she ran back to our birthing mecca and continues to tend to their every need. Her level of commitment is absolutely jaw dropping.

Was it totally 100% easy? No. I mean the process was. I had no process. I also wondered why Prudence’s tail was down (along with her head) when I peered in on her. She was sad. I was told there would be four pups and only three were nursing. I looked for the fourth and found a gorgeous, white female pup that didn’t make it. It was sad and thankfully my roomie took her aside so I could bring her to the vet to be properly laid to rest. I know that was not easy on Prudence and it was with a heavy heart I had to bring “Mildred” away.

So now we have three Prudence babies and we love them and I am screwed. I don’t want to give any of them away. If you know a single, wealthy rancher with a lot of property, a kind heart and doesn’t mind a wife that wants to be in Hollywood  4 out of 7 days then please email me. I think I can make that work.

The amazing thing about watching this bond is knowing I’ll never have it. Does it make me sad? No, quite the opposite. When we made Prudence go poop outside for the first time she ran back to my closet door and went insane until I caught up to let her back in. I thought “Wow, I will never love anything like that ever.” After I said it, it was pretty liberating.

I am committed to Prudence’s baby’s until I find them fabulous homes in two months. I’ll get these dogs lifestyles of the rich and famous amazing homes. Easy. I’m very lucky that I not only know the richest people in B.H. but the kindest.

Prudence and I? Well, we’re totally bonded and she’s awesome and once she is a newly independent woman. I’m thinking we should do the month of July in Paris. I’ve never been and I don’t think Pru has. I think we’ll do quite well there actually.

I said it and it shall be. Prudence and I are coming to Paris for the month of July. Any Meg Heads with any suggestions? What about your birthing schedule? Are you doing off-spring?

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