And yet another scintillating segment of my life as I bare my multiple “idiotsyncracies.” Pencil erasers give me chills. They are horrifying. Run your fingernails on a chalkboard and it’s not as traumatic as these innocuous-looking pink devils! Why? Because they conjure humiliating memories. So pop some corn, have a beverage, and learn of my mortification.
Your browser may not support display of this image. Tommy Townsend wasn’t my first boyfriend at age ten. I had a wild, salacious tryst with Robert Cunningham at age six (first grade). Every day he used the money for his own milk at recess to purchase orange drink and potato chips for me. I was a shameless hussy and kept my own cash for candy after school. My hedonism all came to a screeching halt.
Robert sat across from me. We had a surprise quiz on telling time; our vicious teacher moved the hands on a “clock” she fashioned from construction paper and we wrote down the times accordingly I was proud, I was smart. I knew about timepieces. And this smart ass paid for her sins big time!
We had to exchange papers with our “neighbors” and correct. My love thought he was funny as he marked several answers on mine wrong to tease. I whispered to him to stop, as our class did a shameful job in general with this. Mrs. Monster was furious and shrieked, “People! You are a waste of space!” Robert hurriedly pulled out a pink eraser to undo his work, but he wasn’t fast enough.
The witch picked up a telephone book and began walking the aisles, slamming the hands of each of us for as many times as our responses were incorrect. I can still see her twisted, contorted face and fangs as she reached me, yelling “Gigi Marie Sommers! You are an idiot!” I’m certain that I noted hair growing on her face as she morphed into a werewolf. I tried to tell her what had transpired but was dismissed with a harsh, “Shut up – put out your hands!” My tiny, pure, soft hands were open to her torture. She violently took perverse pleasure in making mine pure red from her ferocity as she struck me repeatedly. My parents never hit me. Would I be able to use my hands again over a stupid paper clock? Goodbye, Robert. There was no amount of orange drink which could win back my heart.
But it gets worse. Telling time seriously frightens me along with erasers from that incident. I am serious. I wish the days of digital watches were back. My husband had to gently take away a glaring fuschia “Hannah Montana” watch from me in K-Mart and said, “Babe, not for you.” If someone asks me what time it is, my heart races, face warms, and I lie and say that my watch isn’t working. I don’t know why I own them. And then there are the truly evil watch manufacturers which remove the numbers or use Roman numerals. In my case, they are truly a fashion statement, not to be used.
I noted Maybelline’s new Age Rewind Makeup Eraser foundation in a tube resembling shoe polish (about $12.00 without a coupon). It took me awhile to accept the “Eraser” in the name without hyperventilating. I generally use mineral makeup or Lancome’s Dual-Finish powder version. Would this liquid actually work? Maybelline boldly claims that it “instantly erases lines and wrinkles” while “lifting your face.” How high would it go?
This boasts that the micro-corrector applicator is the key to perfect application, while Goji Berry and Collagen go to work to restore and tighten skin. I’ll put this nicely – the applicator is the most dim-witted idea I’ve seen in cosmetics in years. Maybelline, what do you put in the coffee of your R&D staff?
Wind the tube until any foundation appears and your arms rival Madonna’s toned ones (it takes quite a long time). If you try using the soft sponge to roll it on, you’ll resemble a bingo card covered completely with ink dauber marks. That forces you to use your hands to spread (I suggest a makeup wedge for better results) .
Less is more. Too much and it’s a disaster. I first had my husband stare at my skin in my conventional base. I asked, “Will you recall this?” He said he would. I washed my faced and switched to Maybelline’s. It applies more like tinted moisturizer than base and has a smooth, lightweight feel but does even your coloring and perfect your skin. I returned to Ron and he said, “That looks good! You had more pores before and they’re gone now.” He didn’t mind sleeping on the sofa that night. If I can’t count on him to lie to me, to whom can I? I did permit him to have a down comforter.
The base remains in place a long time (Maybelline offers a great array of shades but not enough for women of color). Since my skin is arid now, the dewy, polished look felt as good as it looked. But if it were summer or my combination skin were any more oily, I would definitely need a primer as a matte base for this. Maybelline has a primer for this. So I’m filling my flutes with champagne and wine from a box – I have mixed feelings. Wait! I have a new theme song which plays in my head. It’s from Chicago: “Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?”
What’s your experience ladies with Maybelline foundation?
Do you like the New Age Rewind Makeup Eraser or do you remain oldschool?