Gigi here! I’ve lost my tolerance for Goth and I need a “fix”—rainbows of color! I am a “girly girl,” so please bear with me as fix my pink parasol before I type. Moreover, I tend to concur with Woody Allen’s comment that, “I’m not afraid of dying, but I don’t want to be there when it happens.”
Before I go further, I have forgotten again and again to warn you against a phenomenon, the “Makeup Shock Index” (MSI). It’s worse than the “Dreaded Orange Mask” women create when foundation is too dark or orange for their skintones. When you see magazine photos of celebs bare-faced, they’re proving a point, as I had an encounter with this first-hand. But I learned a lesson and wish to pass it on. However much makeup you use in general with under various circumstances, such as to work or on dates, make it consistent, make it a habit, and do not differentiate.
Do you wear no makeup? Fine, as long as your skin is protected against the sun with SPF so that the Meg Police are not driven to kill you, as it’s both a sin and a felony. We don’t want to go to hell, especially over cosmetics. And neon DOC jumpsuits aren’t particularly flattering, as they add pounds. Do you wear just a little? That works. However, if you’re semi- or all-glam most of the time, this means you in particular.
At twenty-two, I became friends with one of the employees who maintained Price Waterhouse’s library. Abby (name changed to protect the trespasser) was utterly beautiful, but one day I arrived at work very early and stopped to speak to her. It wasn’t Abby. She had become a combination of the “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” Freddie Kruger, Jason, and worse. She must have noted my shock and said that she had had no time to put on any makeup at all that morning.
Who knew what magic Abby had wrought before coming to the office? Her skin tone was terribly uneven and I could have parked trucks in her large pores. I think I saw slits she called eyes. Brows? What brows? Her lips disappeared. She asked, “Gigi, are you okay? Is there something I can do for you?” My first thought was to ask, “Yes, tell me—are you an alien? Where you’ve hidden the real Abby?” Then I nearly swallowed my tongue rather than say, “Yes—run like the wind before anyone else sees you.” That is not arrogance. I struggle with manifold issues, from enlarged pores, “turkey neck,” inherited “frown lines,” and nearly non-existent eyes, but I deal with them. Shock therapy should be reserved for certified mental institutions with padded cells.
What one sole item could have transformed Abby from Godzilla? Maybelline’s “Expert Wear Shadows” in their “Stylish Smokes.” Actually, I’ve never been a fan of their eyeshadows. I’ve purchased their eight-color pans and thrown them away over and over. They lack pigment, and application is akin to boot camp. You become strong—Army strong!
I picked up one quad in this new line recently. Like a Stepford wife, it seemed as if my hand moved by itself to purchase one against my will. Now these rank very high on my list of “must-have’s.” The rest of the display became history and is in my home.
The hues are incredible. The formula is soft and blends like a dream; build as much color as you want. Have a busy day? It stays in place long after you pass out. Maybelline’s coordination is brilliance. The “Natural Smokes” compact has unique tones of brown and a maverick silver-infused chocolate. The directions are simple and show where shadow is to be applied on the compact, a huge help for those of you who are clinging to more boring tones disguised under the name of “neutrals” (pardon me while I yawn). These are subtle shadows with moxie! “Amethyst” is a high-powered posh capable of becoming a “yowsa” quad. Plush purple with a hint of sheen is applied over the lid, with a matte eggplant to contour, an inky-black to line, and an ecru to use on your browbone or just above your pupil for all eyes on you.
Ready to come out of your shell completely? The “Sunlit Bronze” compact is all shimmer, but controllable shimmer, with shades of warm taupe, copper, and chestnut. The cost? Right now, $4.99 at as a Drugstore.com BOGO—yes, you read it here first! Your local drugstore may have a sale taking place as well. You need to purchase them before they come to their senses and realize what they are doing.
I realize you use nothing but brushes, right? Of course I’m right. What to do with the applicators? They can easily serve as weapons to beat away the men who are groveling for your attention, you sexy thing!