Have you ever use an evil device called a “hot glue gun?” Let me tell YOU, fewer things in this life can cause me to scream, swear, and stomp around faster than a burn on this Goddess Granny’s hand because of one of these wretched things! I used to think it was only those huge ol’ honkin’ early-model curling irons that had the ability to brand me but trying to make a sassy door wreath (which involves hot-gluing stuff like flowers and rhinestones) has me thinking about switching to a less fancy way of styling up my door…
As a rule however, I ADORE anything sparkly or shiny and have to seriously use restraint to avoid looking like a parade float some days…in Texas, more IS more and it’s one of the few places women make no bones about wearing 90 pounds of bling at once, gotta’ love it!
I am seriously starting to wonder though if I’m truly starting to show my “age” a bit because the newest and most talked-about “spot” to cover with bling is…are you ready…your lady-bits! Stop snorting,this is serious: I NEED and WANT your opinions before I invest either a pile of cash to get this done or several hours in front of a mirror with crystals and tweezers trying to do it myself! It’s ALL the rage and honestly, I couldn’t take it seriously but now it’s being chatted about as yet one more flippin’ thing I should consider “prettying-up” and God knows I have to work pretty hard already so I need to be sure it’s something worth doing.
I guess the “trend” recently started when Jennifer Love Hewitt announced to the world (several times on several TV shows…yawn.) that she had indulged in a sparkly jewel-encrusted girl-party on your parts she calls “Vajazzing” after a horrible relationship ended: she claims it gave her her self-confidence back and how she loved knowing that every time she sat down to tinkle, her “bits” would be twinkling as well.Seriously, I about lost it when I first heard the description of the procedure: of course,you HAVE to be a bald as an cue-ball “down there” before any bling can be applied.Then, either shapes created out of crystals in the form of a glittering “tatoo” are carefully applied or a name/ other design is hand-placed with tweezers by a patient and no doubt giggling salon-tech.The dramatic results are said to last around 5 days and/or cost in the range of 50-100 dollars to have done…I can’t supply you with resource-links here,you’ll have to nose around locally to find a salon willing to bling you down!
The resulting “blinged-up bits” are supposed to drive men wild as well a possibly causing the newly decorated lady to have the urgent desire to wear jeans that are entirely too low (you have SEEN these worn in Walmart and don’t tell me you haven’t!) or bikinis that cover nothing so as to attract the sort that would be blinded by love upon viewing such treasure and/or bestow such a new-found air of confidence upon the wearer that she would sail effortlessly through any Happy Hour at the local meat market with ease secure in the knowledge that her bits were smooth and sparkling!
How do I feel about it? It’s harmless and I guess could be “fun” in certain settings? I contacted a friend of mine who is a professional “dancer” (don’t hate, she is fabulous and you’d love her!) and she insisted that it was “stupid, really stupid…” because it simply isn’t anything any man SHE comes into contact with would care to see or be fascinated by. She told me “it’s wasted on them because they couldn’t care less about a sparkly-party in your pants unless they are invited!” So if someone whose body and bits are registered as “professional” in terms knowing what works when exposing the goods won’t endorse the process, I am left at a loss about whether or not to take the plunge and get glittered-up!
BTW: I am NOT writing this with a straight face...Meg won’t let me use the symbol for laugh out loud anymore because she has to edit, HAHAHA!
Some have described the feeling as “being endowed with super powers “down there” and others as “scratchy during sex” (insert shocked emoticon face here: I once found a false-eyelash stuck to Mike after a wild-night but might have to draw the line at leaving crystals in his chest-hair?)
I’m thinking it might be good for chits and grins on a special night or for “photo ops” that I really hope won’t ever end up on Facebook but to indulge in such a procedure on a regular basis as part of my routine? Probably not…Make that no.
I can direct you to a lovely spa that carries ALL you need to try this at home but the results and time/money you invest are up to you: I’m adding a disclaimer that no crystals have sustained permanent damage because of exposure to “indecent views”:
You don’t want to go TOO low or get TOO creative with your enhancements, I think the “idea” is to seduce, not cover every exposed centimeter of female-flesh with a rhinestone but as with most trends, it will end badly for some and there will most likely be 12 step programs springing up for those who either become addicted to the Vajazz or who become “disabled” because of the extra weight they must now carry around…
I’m DYING to know: do you think this is a trend to indulge in or is it one of the silliest things you’ve ever heard of? Will you be Vajazzing this season and does celebrity endorsement make it “stylish?”