Sweetassgal apologizing for being a bit MIA lately but my new job has me at a level I’ve never competed in before and I’m busting my BUM to rise above it. So far I’m loving it, loving the challenge and loving the opportunity…but it’s not without its “pit”-falls. Yes ladies…I am presenting my very first corporate department overview to our global board of directors and all I can think of is “never let em’ see you sweat”! I’ve always run a perpetual heat ranging from slightly sultry to HOLY HELL I’m going to burst into flames and stress combined with nerves just manages to compound it. So presenting in front of a panel of people who could buy and sell me in a day, I’d say the pit patrol is going to have to be on full guard.
So what’s a girl to do since I’ve yet to find a natural deo that’s board room ready? I immediately went old school and googled something I used to hear my Grandmother talk about…DRESS SHIELDS! So what are they exactly? Little armed men who camp out under your clothes and defend you against stains with steel cold armor? Maybe. Couldn’t be too far off. Sounds painful! Actually…dress shields are removable pads that you place between your underarm skin and your clothes to keep them fresh and perspiration stain free. I’d like to buy an underwear version for the lady at my gym who insists on wearing skin tight pastel Lycra even though she’s a butt crack and thigh sweater. Do we REALLY need to see that bobbing up and down on the stair stepper in front of us. BLECH! God bless the 80’s for making it socially acceptable to tie a sweatshirt around your waist to hide such offenses!
Hitting the internet I found a bevy of dress shield options to try…but most of them didn’t appeal to me. They were always some Sears catalog looking version of a woman who is WAY too happy applying the shields while her man looked on in equally delighted bemusement. If my Sweetassguy ever cares that much about what goes on under my pits then I’m taking him out to the woodshed! There was ONE brand, just slightly different and slightly pink enough, to really capture my attention. Hollywood Fashion Tape has a complete line of “under thingy’s” that help you be just a more spectacular you. From dress shields to boobie tape, hip hugger gap fixers and deodorant removers, to oomph bustline boosters and strap be-goner’s…there is just something to assist in addressing everyone’s perfect photo op needs. And right now shipping is free over $30 but unfortunately that won’t do me any good for my upcoming meeting. Online they show you can get this line at Joann’s Fabrics so I’m thinking a little stop off on my way home tonight is highly warranted.
Along with my dress shields I’m compelled to try the “Hollywood Hip Hugger” and see if it can do what no pair of jeans has ever done…eliminate the cap behind my jeans. Though I’m overweight I’ve always retained a sense of a figure. A size 16 figure…but a figure none the less as I’m very curvy. Even when I was a skinny minnie I had curves and a butt…and as any girl with this affliction knows if the pants fit your butt they DON’T fit your small waist. Hence the “butt crack gap” I so abhor and I REFUSE to be one of those women who bends down all the time knowing they’re half-mooning us or showing us the true meaning of butt floss. Just like the gym butt sweat woman…have they NO shame? Your mama should’ve taught you better.
If anyone has heard of this line I’d be interested to know what you think. My spare time is precious these days and I don’t want to waste it (or my HARD earned $) buying something that’s morbidly intriguing on the outside and useless on the inside.
It’s like the “Kate Gosselin” version of under garments. It looks okay in theory but when you break it down it’s really just one hot mess that will probably end up giving you armpit burn. GLAM ON!
What secret makes you sweat-free? Thinner? More confident? Please share!